I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
