Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
