STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Success! We fucked roommates!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
