Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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