I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My bed smells like the plague
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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