I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
