Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
