Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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