Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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