I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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