nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i've created a new STD.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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