Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
