i think my tv is drunk
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
