I'm jealous of your bromance
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
