You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
