I'm going to jail i love you
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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