i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
