I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
