i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
