did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
