Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
