YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she pinky promised me she was 18
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize