Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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