I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Drunk is a universal language darling
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
