Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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