I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
