Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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