I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
