i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
