She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Found the puke drawer
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
