My liver just broke up with me...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
