I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
