my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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