You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
