I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
