ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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