are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
