is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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