im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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