Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
