New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it glows. i had to have it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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