You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
