i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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