i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
