I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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