FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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