I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
