I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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