he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
