he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
