Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
