Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Ladies don't puke and tell
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
