My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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