I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize