i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
