i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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