whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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