Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
