We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
