She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
