well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
