Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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