i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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