he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
