I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
