Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
