did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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