life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
