she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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