wat bout pragnant strippers??
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
