Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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