I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
