I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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