Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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