My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
