the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize