I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He passed out mid-signature
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
