2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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