I think I won the penis lottery.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
