so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
