I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
