I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize