this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
