I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
