I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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