dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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