Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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