You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
