you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
