so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
do herpes really smell.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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