A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
