I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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