My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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