Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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