ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
