I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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