I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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