sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
