please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
