look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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