I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
