R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
