if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
