dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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