she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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