Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
