Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
