im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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