she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I want a musical about memes.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
